I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
