i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
