Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
