so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
