At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
