What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
