I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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