Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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