My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
