somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
