hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
