Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
