He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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