My hand turned me down
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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