Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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