I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
