I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
