He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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