im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I just sharted jello shots
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