So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
