wakey wakey hands off snakey
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
