Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
