your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
