He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
