giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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