coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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