when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish they made helmets for livers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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