my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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