I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize