Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
