mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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