So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
