I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
