pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
