Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
