I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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