I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
