arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
