i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
