Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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