tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
