cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
