Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize