Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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