she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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