Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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