i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
