I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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