that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
