i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
