Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
