goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Help. Why am I so naked?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
