Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
