i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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