I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
