Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
