Three words: puerto rican gang bang
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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