Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
