you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
