took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
