whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
