youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just cut my nipple shaving
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Less talking, more tequila
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
