Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
