I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
