I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
