no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
