There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i now understand why vodka
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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