Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
