he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
