Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
